Counselling in London or online
For one-to-one therapy for scapegoating, sibling abuse, bereavement, anxiety and depression
In my experience showing vulnerability is incredibly difficult for clients and I am always honoured when they share this with me.
When a facade, a mask has been carefully constructive to help cope with the difficulties life has brought to a person, it takes enormous courage to let someone see behind it.
To trust a professional with that can be the first step to finding a way to bring down the mask that is no longer needed for protection.
“Not too good actually, not good at all”
Walking through the station recently I overheard someone saying this into their phone.
I don’t know the context or what was going on as I moved passed and didn’t hear anything else but I was really struck by the statement.
How often do we really tell the truth when it isn’t very good? This could have been about anything, an interview, work, physical or mental health, relationships or life itself.
So we don’t admit what is really going on. And when we hold back we create a barrier between us and them. Sometimes this is necessary, but what if this barrier is a hindrance? If we can show our vulnerability to our nearest and dearest, how near are they truly?
Coming to therapy may be the first time the client really admits to the things that are not good. Finding the words can be a struggle and take time if they have spent a lot of their time not sharing it.
It can leave us feeling incredible vulnerable to admit that things aren’t going the way we would like them to be. My experience though is that it’s an enormous step in bringing about change. Not all relationship can adjust to it, but those they do are often deeper and much more fulfilling.
The impact of receiving kindness is huge. When did you last experience it?
There is more and more research being done on the long term effects of childhood trauma on mental health issues.
Some of the figures are alarming, especially when you consider how hard it is to for children and young people to get access to the necessary mental heath care in this country. The long term costs on a persons overall health and life expectancy are huge due to trauma.
The following article gives some of the details.
I see such conflicted views from people seeking help. Some people seem to feel they don’t really have a problem but they are just checking things out (this usually means there is a problem but they aren’t ready to acknowledge it as such), others know they have a problem but don’t think it is bad enough to warrant much attention.
Other people know there is a lot going on, but for one reason or another they are just not ready to commit the time it takes to work on it and others seem to believe it can all be solved in just one session.
All of these experience show how confusing it can be be when people do reach out for counselling, the article below explores more about those I never hear from.
The bottom line is there is still a lot of misunderstanding about what counselling is and what it can achieve.
It is hard work. It can at times be very upsetting and mean revisiting painful emotions and experiences in our life. By doing that we can view them from a different perspective with an impartial person accompanying the journey.
This process can take a short time or a long time, it depends on so many factors.
But if there is something going on for you that you are not happy with, then what is holding you back from trying to change it?
How often do you compare yourself to others? How helpful do you find it?
Have you every wondered how to choose a counsellor when there are so many to pick from?
If you just start searching, the list is going to be overwhelming as there are a lot of us out there.
Firstly, its worth considering how you want to work. Face to face is what you may be expected but more and more of us now also offer sessions online. This is usually a video chat, but can also be just audio or text based.
If you want to work face to face, I would recommend searching by a location that is convenient for you. Therapy can be difficult and hard work, do you really want to spend a lot of energy travelling as well? Obviously, this will depend on your location.
If you want to work online like I now do exclusively, you will need to search for a counsellor who offers that. You can search for Zoom, but also just search for online counselling or online therapy as there are other platforms that can be used.
You may have a specific issue you want to work on such as bereavement or addiction. Most counsellors advertise a list of issues they have most experience of working on and some may have had additional training and specialised in certain fields such as sex therapy. I have spent many years doing additional study on trauma, family conflict, estrangement and scapegoating as well as traumatic bereavements. These along with my work with young people which in many cases have the same causes are the areas that have become my niche. That will be in addition to experience with other issues such as anxiety.
Do you know what type of counselling you want? It might be useful to compare some of the main types. I would split these in to 3 for ease but there are a lot more.
Different clients will be drawn to a style that will suit them in the same way that counsellor’s are. Some therapists will define them as integrative which means they work with two of more different styles. They will usually say which ones they use.
So, you have an idea of where you want to see a counsellor, and the type of counsellor and the specialism if needed and have searched online and still found lots of results. How can you narrow it down?
The next thing that is import is to check that your counsellor is a member of a professional body. There a number of different bodies that the professional standards authority recognises in the UK and it is important that your counsellor is one of these.
I am a registered member of the largest one, the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy and you can check I appear on their register here.
But still, after all these checks it is going to be down to something else. While I and a lot of other counsellors try and give you a sense of ourselves in our websites and via our blogs its not always truly possible to express ourselves through that medium.
If you narrow your list down to a few counsellors you might find it helps to contact all of them. See what sort of response you get back and if you can get some time with them on the phone or online for face to face to see if you feel comfortable with them.
I offer a free 30 minute introductory session for this very reason. I understand clients need to check out how we get on. It helps both of us check out your expectations for therapy and if I am able to help you with them.
I know it may all sound quite daunting with lots of what ifs and maybes but it is worth persevering. Once your find your counselling then growth can occur and the sky’s the limit.
A lot has been written about Sara Rowbotham, the sexual health worker who worked to expose the issues of child sexual exploitation in Rochdale. After the BBC drama 3 Girls based on the case its highlighted how hard it can be to fight for what you believe is right.
Sometimes though bravery is made up of the smaller things. Depending on where our mental health is, just getting up in the morning or leaving the house can be an act of bravery. They may not be noticed by others, or have such an impact on society but for us as individuals they may be invaluable.
Another form of bravery is seeking help when needed. I try to always remember that for clients approaching me, this can be an extremely difficult thing to do. Not only is there the recognition that another person may be needed to help with things, its reaching out to a stranger without any idea of how that will be received.
