The issue of male victims of domestic abuse is beginning to get more attention. Sadly though there is very little support available to them and the very limited number of refuges for them are under threat.
This article gives details of some first hand experiences and the estimated scale of the issue. It claims 1 in 6 men could be a victim in their lifetime. However, this is an estimate as it’s such an under-reported and mis-understood crime.
Sufficient support for all victims of domestic abuse regardless of gender is sadly hard to come by.
Trigger warning – the linked article contains details of domestic abuse
This article is a very clear at detailing the impact of long term domestic abuse. It documents both physical and emotional abuse over a significant period of time. The toll it took on the victim, not just while they were with their partner by the psychological impact they have experienced ever since.
The victim in this case is male, the perpetrator female. This is a form of abuse that is still not as recognised by society and the scale of if is I believe still significantly under-reported.
Even the victims can find it incredibly hard to name what is happening to them as abuse. How society views maleness and what a man should be like can make it even harder for them to seek help as they can be mocked and vilified for “letting” this happen to them.
I am affiliated with Mencasa which aims to help you find a suitable therapist with experience in this area. Please get in touch if you need it.
Below is a reminder of the scale of violence between intimate partners. This is an American organisation so the overall totals reflect that countries population but there is no reason to believe that the same ratio’s don’t apply in the UK. The EU wide survey published in 2014 documents one in three women (33 %) has experienced physical and/or sexual violence since she was 15 years old.
Its so important that male victims of domestic abuse are finally getting more attention in the news. This article details some of the statistics and difficulties men have accessing support due to how limited the resources are to help them.
It also has a link to an program that will be available on iPlayer from tomorrow and I am keen to watch that as well when it is released.
I am affiliated with an organisation, MenCASA which promotes awareness and training in this area for therapists. It also is a resource for clients to use to be able to find a counsellor to work with who will take their experiences seriously.
Living in a home with domestic violence creates long term problems for all. Its not always as obvious as physical acts of violence; there are other more subtle ways to control and terrorise.
This article about two Brothers whose Father murdered their Mother and Sister describes their experience. What strikes me is that as is often the case the article quotes a neighbour describing the murderer as “a nice guy”. When I read about these cases I nearly always find quotes like this, as though their behaviour is so out of character.
Whether it is a case that has ended in murder or not, so many people want to make excuses for the abuser. This article on Johnny Depp highlights the issues, too often the victim is blamed. Either they are not believed at all or they are deemed as responsible for “provoking” the abuser. Outsiders who haven’t lived in the home feel they have a right to comment in defence.
The reality is domestic abusers are often skilled manipulators. Friends and acquaintances are also being manipulated by them. Its often only those closest to them who may know the real people.
Therefore, don’t be fooled by a stereotype of what you think an abuser looks like. They aren’t all addicts and out of control people brawling in the street. They can be anyone, at any level of society. From the person serving you coffee to the bank manager, to your next door neighbour… to your friend…. to your family. And they won’t always be men either.
Unfortunately a few acts of extremist violence have taken place recently. I have been thinking about the response to those events in the general public. The sort of comments I read on social media and how whole communities are being tarred by the behaviour of the few.
However I can’t help but also think about the other acts of violence that occur on a daily basis and don’t get attention. Where is the outrage for those victims?
I am talking about domestic violence, perpetrated most often (but not exclusively) by men.
How many people share posts on Facebook condemning this and calling for their community to do more to stop it?
According to thisarticleduring the 6 years to the end of 2016, in only England and Wales,more than 900 women were murdered. That is150 victim per yearin these two countries alone. How high is the number across the world?
On thiswebsiteI found these truly horrific estimates for that
An analysis of a United Nations global crime study has revealed that an estimated43,600 women are killed every yearby an intimate partner or family member. This is the equivalent to five women every hour orone woman every 12 minutes.
And this is just the estimated death toll. What about those that aren’t killed. How many are being physically and emotionally abused on a daily basis? How many children are witness to it and also being traumatised.
Compared these numbers with those killed in terrorist incidents in the UK and in Europe in thisarticle.
Over the last 10 years there have been 1.4 deaths per year in the UK due to terrorism
Yet there have been 150 women per year killed in England and Wales alone by current or former partners.
How do you feel about these figures? Are you shocked, or all too familiar through personal experience of how widespread domestic violence is? Please get in touch if you need support for your own situation.